Secrets of Happily Married Men

With nearly half of first marriages ending unhappily, and an even greater percentage of second marriages following suit, it's obvious that the mountain of self-help marriage books, Dr. Phil instant-therapy shows and widely-available marriage counseling is not keeping marriages from failing.

But every now and again we come across a relationship book that dazzles, and that describes Dr. Scott Haltzman's groundbreaking, The Secrets of Happily Married Men: Eight Ways to Win Your Wife's Heart Forever.

Dr Haltzman, a clinical assistant professor of psychiatry and human behavior at Brown University and a couples and individual counselor, astutely noticed that many men in counseling were hesitant to express their feelings and fears. He founded a web site, www.secretsofmarriedmen.com, as a forum to research and support husbands' marriage skills, and after talking with thousands of men, collected a treasure trove of interesting information about men and marriage.

The results have been carefully distilled into this enlightening, practical guide that should be required reading for both men and women in relationships.

The book celebrates the equality of the sexes and acknowledges their inborn strengths and skills. Be that as it may, the distinguishing message is that there are definite and undeniable biological and emotional differences between men and women that need to be understood and used to benefit the relationship, not to create more conflict.

Men have been conditioned to believe they are clueless at nurturing relationships, as witnessed by the portrayal of inept husbands and boyfriends on situation comedies and in movies; they've been shamed into thinking that they can't communicate or express themselves like women can, and so they need to change.

It is understandable why so many gender traits frustrate and irritate, since we don't understand them.

After the very compelling compare-and-contrast lesson on brain differences, the book devotes one chapter to each of the eight strategies that happily married men claim are the crucial factors for cultivating a fulfilling marriage while maintaining a strong sense of themselves as male. The chapters include:

Make your marriage your job

Know your wife

Be home now

Expect conflict and deal with it

Learn to listen

Aim to please

Understand the truth about sex

Introduce yourself

Each chapter has personal stories, along with insight, advice and useful TO DO lists to help organize the material and make it easy for everyone to follow the recommended steps.

This book is not an excuse for selfish behavior from either sex. It promotes the differences between the sexes with the important message that neither sex has to be a slave to biology and each is capable of adapting. Dr Haltzman tells men that they are able to improve and save their marriages precisely because they have the innate skills to succeed in relationships.

The bottom line is that, "when men worked hard to improve their marriages using their inborn manly skills to put their wives' needs above their own, not only did their marriages improve, but they were happier and more fulfilled than at any other point in their lives".

And women with important insight into why their husbands behave the way they do, help their men to be more successful partners.

About The Author Sheena Berg enjoys writing articles for the StepHeroes step parenting tips newsletter. To find out more about happily married men, there's no substitute for reading "The Secrets of Happily Married Men" by Dr. Scott Haltzman However, you can join our conversation with Dr Haltzman when he will be our Ask the Expert guest on http://www.BlendedFamilyExperts.com. WEBMASTERS: Use of this article requires the links to remain in place.