Raising Happy Children - 10 Tips

1. Decide what you want the child to be. This doesnt mean an accountant, a lawyer, the CEO of a corporation because those decisions are up to the child when he or she becomes ready to choose a career. This means set some general and worthwhile goal that will benefit the child as an individual, such as someone with integrity who can think for himself or someone moral, confident and self-assured. If you can help your child achieve those you will have given the best you can give. One day you won't be around and the child will be an adult facing life without your supervision  if you want your son or daughter to survive well you have to start in on this early.

2. A child is not a pet or a possession. A child is an individual with the same rights you expect for yourself. Dont set out to mould the child into your own or someone elses likeness. You dont own your child and its not your job to train the child like a Labrador. Let the child gain a sense of himself and his capabilities and develop respect for himself and others.

3. Dont monster the childs self-determinism. Life is a process of discovery. People learn many important things about life by trial and error. Dont be obsessed with preventing your child from making mistakes. Theyre only mistakes  they can be fixed. But constant control or second-guessing by a parent can make the child lose confidence in his own ability to select, act or respond effectively in life.

4. Love your child. Pay no attention at all to the nonsense preached by psychologists. Children thrive on affection and fail when denied it. You cannot spoil your child with love  its one of the perks of living!

5. Provide an environment where the child can be himself. A home where a four year old cant touch this vase, walk on that carpet, open this drawer, drop that wine goblet, sit on that lounge is a hostile environment for the child. If you have lovely antiques, expensive ornaments, and designer furniture youd better decide which is more important  those possessions or your childs sanity. No kidding. Put those things away for the next ten years and make a home environment the child can enjoy as much as you. Its his home too, you know.

6. Let the child help. Count up how many times in an average week your child tries to help you with something. This is a highly commendable trait  to want to help. Its an impulse that should be encouraged not killed off. Sure, often the help is clumsy and messy but messes can be cleaned up, however a child who grows up believing himself incapable of even helping his parents is not going to prosper in the larger group of society.

7. Children like schedules. If you want to provide a framework for the child to grow within, give him schedules. Dinner at 6:30, TV off at 9pm, Movie night every Tuesday, play time at 7:30, etc. Schedules make for prediction, and in the frequent confusions of growing up it is very helpful to have at least some things that dont shift and change.

8. Use Rewards and Penalties. One day the child will be an adult who has to make his way economically in society. Good grounding in this vital aspect of life is to provide rewards when the child accomplishes something  an outing, a movie, a pizza night, a toy, or even an allowance  all these things are more valued and enjoyed when they are earned. Getting something for nothing is what stealing is all about, dont set that example. The other side of this is having agreed upon penalties, but these are not to be confused with punishments. Hitting a child or causing physical pain to someone smaller and weaker than you is a criminal act. Maybe theres no law against it but think it through for yourself. (See #2 and #4 above). Failure is its own penalty, but cancellation of TV rights for a night will also impinge. Being sent to ones room is a sobering experience  and it doesnt harm.

9. Children have small and growing bodies that need nourishment. This seems obvious, but just look this over again. A childs body is changing almost daily. There are many, many demands placed on it by an energetic child (and children are supposed to be energetic). Diet is VERY important. Good protein, good vegetable intake, good carbohydrates in proportion are essential. But watch the sugar! Sugar in a small body acts like a drug and causes most of the crazy behavior you see in a child. If you want some reality on this watch what happens at the next birthday party. If adults behaved like that youd say they were psychotic or at least drunk. You can straighten up a lot of wild behavior by fixing the childs diet. Sweets are not good rewards because they do harm to the receiver. After about 12 years of age a childs body seems to be able to handle sugar without the attendant screaming highs and tearful lows. You can educate your child in the effects of sugar and engage his willingness to ration it out. Dont just deny him the option because that will simply make him want it more.

10. Be a friend to your child. Sometimes an adults goal is to get respect from a child. Respect is earned, not enforced. Whats a childs biggest problem? Take a good look in the mirror. Youre his main role model, his life support system, and you should also be his best friend. Real friends dont hit each other, they dont drug each other (not even with pharmaceuticals), they dont lie to each other, they dont bully each other and they dont obsessively seek to control each other. Childhood can be an adventure and also a very trying time  share the trying times and enjoy the adventures together.

About The Author Lance is not very good at writing about himself in the third person. He is an ex-patriot Australian living in Taiwan. His grasp of the Chinese language ranges from poor to laughable and in most circumstances his actual use of the Chinese language results in laughter. http://www.captivebrains.com