Dealing with Difficult People and Pick a Difficult Person from the Pack

Dealing with difficult people and coping with difficult people can be a frustrating experience. If you look in the Dealing with People pack of cards then you'll surely find the Negative Norms in this pack.

SO WHO ARE THESE FRUSTRATING HUMAN BEINGS?

Having discussed Negative Norms before let's just summarize who they are. They are really as they sound, that is totally negative and so is everyone and everything to them. In working with difficult people such as this, they will tell you that everything that has been tried has failed miserably.

COPING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE AND THE NEGATIVITY TEST

But how can you understand if you are dealing with this type of person? In other publications, we've considered using what I have termed the Negativity Test. To really know if you are dealing with difficult people that are Negative Norms use the Negativity Test. But to make it very effective use this 3 step strategy with the test.

STEP ONE IN TESTING IT ALL OUT - KEEPING THOSE NOTES

Here is how it operates. Over the coming 3 to 4 weeks write down all the positive and negative words that this person uses. When you hear them speaking keep some notes of the words they say.

PATTERNS ARE WHAT YOU ARE SEARCHING FOR

However, you have to write down the words to determine if a pattern has happened. If you don't then you might just be reacting to their occasional negative statements. You also have to make sure you have regular contact with them to really have enough words in your test database.

STEP TWO AND SO WHICH WORDS CAN YOU SEE

At the conclusion of this period of time, up to 4 weeks, sit down and examine closely the words. Is there a clear pattern of negative words outweighing the positive comments. Or can you see an even balance between pessimistic and optimistic words?

WELL, WHAT CAN YOU SEE WITH THESE WORDS?

If there is a balance between both types of comments, then you are not dealing with a Negative Norm. You are probably handling someone that you are reacting to and finding frustrating, annoying and irritating, but not totally negative.

STEP THREE AND DEEP IN THOSE WORDS

But what if these pessimistic words seriously outweigh the positive comments? Then you need to also look at the strength of these words used by this person. Many of us use negative words at times but the true Negative Norms consistently use very emotionally charged pessimistic words.

THE WORDS FOR YOU AND THE WORDS FOR THEM

For instance, you could be thinking negatively about trying to do some sort of activity. You could use words like uncertain, unsure or challenge to explain how you feel. But these people would have more emotional words such as impossible, failure and disaster to describe their perspective.

THEY WOULD USE MANY OF THESE 17 WORDS

So examine more closely the list of negative words. This is a list of 17 words that they would use. Such words are: troubled, concerned, distressed, upsetting, unable, uncooperative, problematic, hard, gloomy, unlikely, improbable, impossible, worried, disappointed, undoable, offended and failure. And that is just the start of their constant pessimistic statements.

DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE TEST FOR NEGATIVITY

So if you really want to know if you have been dealt the Negative Norm card from the pack, try this test. Try this 3 step test and find out if you are really living with or working with difficult people who are Negative Norms. If you are, then get ready. You're going to need even more effective strategies and techniques for dealing with difficult people.

About The Author You have more resources waiting for you and a complimentary copy of our book Dealing with Difficult People: 17 Ideas on How to Deal with Difficult People at our website http://www.nodifficultpeople.com Dr Judy is an international expert and is amongst a handful of 'leading lights' on all issues relating to stress and dealing with people.