Images of Haiti Yield Adoption Passion

The recent earthquake in Haiti, similar to other disasters that have occurred in parts of the world in years past, have provoked some people to seek to adopt. Is this a true desire to become parents through adoption or an emotional reaction to difficult scenes?

Under these circumstances, the decision to adopt is more of an impulse. It's almost as if someone has a need that they must fill immediately, or in this case are in a place that they need to be rescued from immediately. If that is how you feel about your decision to adopt, then, it is best that you do not pursue adoption at this time. It may seem a little hard to accept, but the reality is that you should never adopt a child because of impulse. You should only ever adopt a child because you want to give them the best possible life that is filled with love.

You may be like so many people that have a big heart. You may even be one that has a desire to "save the world". Those are very admirable qualities. However, when making the decision to adopt, it's best that your decision be based on helping to fill a need in the life of a child and a possible void in your life. It should be a long term decision that carries with it the weight of knowing that you are going to be responsible for this child for a very long time, until they are able to care for themselves. Above all of that, it should be a decision that is grounded in reality with the understanding that you are making a life long commitment.

Adoption is not like “Little Orphan Annie”, who embraced her new father and would have been happy with any family simply to get out of the orphanage. Adopted children, especially those adopted as toddlers and older children from orphanages often have psychological concerns that need more than just love. Similarly, adopting a child of a different race is something that you should prepare for, both in talking to your family and learning about interracial adoption and parenting.

Many years ago, I worked with a couple, Jim and Joanne, who had adopted a little girl from China after seeing on the news how girls were placed into orphanages simply because they were female or had some birth defect. They were so touched that they did everything they could to move the process along quickly, including accepting a girl with special needs.

Once home with their daughter, they happily began the required therapies and doctors visits, full of hope for quick progress and healing. After seven months, they were weary of increasing diagnoses and the realization that they had not adopted a child they could “fix”, but had brought into their home a child with increasing needs, both physical and emotional, that they found themselves overwhelmed and exhausted.

Joanne tearfully called me at Lifetime Adoption Center and confessed that she was wondering, just wondering, if there was anyone I knew of who was prepared to deal with the type of issues they were dealing with. The joy they anticipated from adoption had long gone away and the day to day dealing with a special needs child was not anything they were prepared for. I assured her that yes, there are families who are prepared for this and in the following months, I helped she and Jim find the perfect family for this sweet little girl. The new family had a daughter with similar needs and were eager to embrace another.

Jim and Joanne later explained their feelings in great detail to me, the passion they felt for these children abandoned for all the wrong reasons. Yet they also could now see that they were in no way prepared for the road they would face, nor did anyone really take the time to ensure that they were.

Wanting to help people is wonderful. Being a help to others is fantastic. But, making the decision to adopt to become someone's mother or father is a major life changing decision. It should not be taken lightly or done based solely on emotion.

If you really want to adopt and give a child the best life ever, begin the process slowly. Start by reading and learning all you can. Life can be amazing with an adoptive child, but it should always begin out of true love that will last a lifetime, and not just because it's the thing to do for the moment.

About The Author Mardie Caldwell, C.O.A.P. is an adoptive parent and adoption professional. She has helped thousands of couples make their dreams come true thru Lifetime Adoption Center (www.LifetimeAdoption.com). Her latest book for adoptive parents, Adoption: Your Step by Step Guide is specifically for parents who want to learn the steps needed and options available for adopting, including open or closed adoption, domestic or international options, and more. It also includes over 1,100 resources for finding the help you need. To learn more about Caldwell, ask about reprint rights, or book her for speaking engagements, please visit www.MardieCaldwell.com